sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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