My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
is that a dick in a sweater?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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