It's Friday. Sex?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
