Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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