god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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