Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
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