There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
