at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
