Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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