If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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