you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
