so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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