sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
