I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
