Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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