Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
