We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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