I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
