Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
