YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
