Jerry, you need to find god
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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