im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
