The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
