I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize