No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
