You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I AM VODKA MAN
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
