You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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