I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
