My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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