remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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