i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
babies were throwing up all over the place
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
