But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
