Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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