I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize