btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
