our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize