so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
