I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
