nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
