i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
