yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
