i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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