My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
