How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
