You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
