He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
