Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
