I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
