Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
