did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
