I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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