Your tits are I can't wait for
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
