ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
