it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize