Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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