I molested 6 butterflies tonight
kristin has been a bad kristin
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
