Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
