I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
only you would photoshop your dick
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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