party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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