I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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