I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
