i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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