Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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