You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
