Plan B is the new Plan A
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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