it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
