I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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