Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
