I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
