well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize