the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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